Skinny Jeans: Are They Really A Good Thing?

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Skinny jeans are everywhere, and clearly are unisex, but are they really good for guys? Alright, let’s face the facts here. If you’re a guy and you’re not looking to impregnate a girl, then you’re not very concerned about the fact that skinny jeans will cause your boys to heat up to levels that are not optimal for the creation of sperm. Right, so we’ve established that younger guys not trying to have babies are fine with skinny jeans, so long as they can get past the fact that their balls are most likely painted to the sides of their legs. Sorry for that graphic image, but take heat, then take skin, then mix the two together and you’ve got some sticky nuts. Unless, of course, you rock your skinny jeans low, in which case your boys are safe from excessive heat levels.

Skinny jeans highlight the features that are normally concealed by the looser fitting, or even baggy, clothes that guys are typically inclined to wear. Unless, of course, they are hipster guys. However, it’s not a fact that all hipsters rock skinny jeans. It doesn’t make you any more “scene,” or more of a hipster to wear skinny jeans, really.

It’s probably common knowledge now to say that skinny jeans are a trendy fashion, but we can’t escape the question: are they worth the drop in comfort? It’s also common knowledge that boys have penises and girls have vaginas, so then, clearly skinny jeans are more comfortable for women: so long as they can fit into a pair properly, right? Then again, you don’t have to be model skinny to rock some skinny jeans, and you can still get the same effect, which to us (if we even notice) is just, “Oh. Look. Those jeans are tight on that person. Skinny jeans. Right. So anyway…”

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How can the above pic be comfortable? Do you realize that if that dude broke one of those skinny ass legs, the paramedics would have to bust out some scissors and literally cut the pant leg of the injured limb open? That’s right, they don’t have time to sit around and wait for you to try and wriggle out of your skinny jeans, and if you have a break that’s bad enough it’s probably a bad idea to wriggle around a broken bone. So they skip all that noise and go straight for the scissors. Alternatively, if you were wearing some pants that fit you, those could would still need to sliced up. So, maybe the only pants they wouldn’t have to cut open to access your broken leg would be raver pants. We conclude that raver pants are the only decent pants to break your legs in.

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Belt buckle, shoes, bracelet, leather wristbands. Uh, yeah.. All we’re saying is this guy’s shoes are terrible. He needs to move on from those. What he was thinking with those pointed tips? Sigh.

Don’t be fooled though. Celebrities have caught on to the skinny jeans trend as well. That’s right, in some cases, they could very well have been rocking skinny jeans before hipsters. Of course, they might not be quite so blatant in their flaunting of them, but oh yes, they do wear them. Here is a list of the top ten celebrity skinny jeans for everybody who doesn’t know.

1. Britney Spears

Lindsay Lohan / Grey’s Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo

Katie Holmes / Kate Moss

Sugababes Heidi / Mischa Barton

Kate Lawler / Nicky Hilton

Nicole Richie

09/08/09 – ADDENDUM:

Due to several requests, here’s a top ten of male celebrities in skinny jeans. Tongue-in-cheek remarks above aside, we really do like skinny jeans, but as you’ll see from the top 10, there are varying degrees of tightness. We don’t claim our skinny jeans are “tighter than yours,” but it almost seems the tighter the skinny jeans the better. At any rate, check out our selections below, you guys might be surprised by our picks. Both male and female opinions for these selections. Recognize!

1. Theophilus London
(Photo: Daniel Warrington).

Machinedrum (Right/Brown Tee)
02-machinedrum

Gabe Saporta

Kanye West

Zac Efron

Ashton Kutcher

Brad Pitt

Pete Wentz

Shia Labeouf

The Jonas Brothers

59 Responses to "Skinny Jeans: Are They Really A Good Thing?"
  1. Oh ….all you ppl telling ppl what they should wear should just shut up and worry what you are going to wear. Stop judging and move on with yourselves. Baggys, Skinny, straight leg whatever….your free to wear what you want. If ppl don’t like it….that’s their problem.

  2. I’m waiting for sandals to make a big comeback like they did in the ’90s. I don’t mean those awful flip flops, I mean those nice looking Tevas and Birkenstocks. I think those sandals would look marvelous with skinny jeans on men:)

  3. Skinny jeans are absolutely terrible… for all of you saying you feel less of a slob… no, you still look like a slob especially if you wear them baggy. There is nothing redeeming or fashionable about skinny jeans, even if a person can wear them they still look atrocious.
    If you wear them with flip flops you look like a waddling duck. They disproportionate the human body in a terrible way. Skinny or fat, it looks bad on everyone.

  4. Skinny jeans trend is the revenge of the Show your trunk baggy styles in the late 90s. To be fair, it looks great on the ladies, but men, my muscular legs and my huge nuts get strangled and compressed. So uncomfortable and ugly. I'm gonna stay with the jeans i have right now and hoping the next trend is gonna be better.

  5. Skinny Jeans are today fashion and if you think it not suitable for man then you are out of fashion!!!

    • Yes. I am out of fashion. Because fashion is fucking horrible. Thanks, but I’ll be alright with my cargo pants and leather jacket.

  6. I'm a guy. I find skinny jeans very comfortable. I wear the looser skinny jeans, but I do have a tight pair. Even though I do have a pair that is tight on my legs, my crotch area has a lot of room and does not over heat. Maybe it's just the brand? I wear Bull Head.

  7. I lost 60 lbs in a year and work out daily. I used to wear relaxed fit jeans but now dropped a few pants sizes and wear skinny jeans, mostly Levi 511s. I think their great, and went to them because everything else makes it look like I have a saggy load in my pants. By the way, I'm 50, my wife loves them, and I am definitely not gay.

  8. Sweet Jesus.

    Hipster guys: stop strangling your nuts. I know they get itchy sometimes, but that doesn't call for cruel and unusual punishment.

    This hipster nad waterboarding is uncalled for; If they knew where the WMD's were they would've told you by now.

    Oh, and don't think I don't see you too, tight-jeaned hip-hoppers… http://michaeljagdeo.wordpress.com/2011/10/21/com

  9. all my guy friends wear skinny jeans and i never hear them complain about them being too tight xD and i don't want skinny jeans to die out, they're the only pants that look good on me! because i'm super skinny(naturally), flared pants and other kinds just look gross on me and not flattering at all. I think boys who can rock the skinnies are sexy, and the girls too, it's all about how they wear the skinnies that makes them sexy :)

  10. Skinny jeans have been around for a long time- the cowboys of the old west wore britches. And the concept of tight pants for men have been around since forever.

    That being said, skinny jeans don't look good on guys because most guys don't have the legs for it. It's called "skinny jeans" for a reason… You need to be skinny to wear them!

  11. And I must say that I hate Jonas brothers and all the disney shit, but I love the yellow shorts. Gonna look well on me, real Poljane kinda shit. :)

  12. I cannot picture myself in anything else than skinny jeans. I have 2 pairs of blue skinny jeans, 1 pair of grey s.j., 1 pair of bordeaux s.j. and 3 pairs of black ones. They look awesome, especially as I'm European. In U.S. they don't look that well, as nobody is really fashionable, all the guys are just a bunch of sheeps that look all the same. It goes awesome with people that beside being hipster looking also have some brain, cause this in America is all just a big "i don't wanna be a barbie anymore, I wanna look like a hipster".. Well u are not to smart. This has gone in the wrong direction, so I'm gonna end with Jim Morrison words that go really well with this topic; Where is your will to be weird?
    Oh, and I'm a 15y old boy from Slovenia (for all the barbies; it's between austria, italy and croatia).

  13. I like skinny jeans, especially levis 510 and 511. I look good in them (33 inch waist, 34 inch inseam, and nice buns to fill out the rear.

  14. I love how people are delusional enough to think that wearing skinny jeans means that they don’t look like slobs. News flash, the vast majority of Americans look like slobs in any jeans. Most of those people in the pictures do! Get some nicer shoes and shirts before you accuse people in non-skinny pants of being slobs, sheesh.

  15. I hate skinny jeans. I had some when they were popular the first time around in the 80'. Being in the 7 th grade, i didn't know better.
    But now I am 33 and there is no way in hell i will buy skinny jeans! They are very unflattering and i cant wait until this 80s trend goes away. The tops are ugly too! They ruin a perfectly nice shirt by adding puffy sleeves, buckles were their should be NO buckles, and buttons where their should be NO buttons.
    My stomach turns every time i go shopping! It's like I'm in the seventh grade again and everybody is getting ready to go to the school dance. At least the big ,dry ,permed hair full of hair spray hasn't come back yet!

    • naw girl, the skinny jeans today look different from the 80's ones, and if not, people at least wear them different now — usually lower — than they did back then!

  16. Well i think that people who say that skinny jeans are gay should go hide in a closet. im 13 and a boy and i wear them and ive had 3 girlfriends in the past 2 months. its people who hate skinny jeans who belong on that show wat not to wear. haha. and the reason that they hate skinny jeans is because there to fat to wear them. just lik the fat smelly nerd in middle school that no one likes.

  17. I personally wear them because they make my butt look nice, and they actually look decent with flats, unlike normal jeans.

    but honestly, who cares? it's a pair of jeans. if you absolutly are against them and want to demolish them, then thats totally cool. at least your grandma isn't wearing short shorts.

    and i don't mind guys wearing them. but not when they are practically cutting off your circulation. you don't even know how… tiny that makes your junk look.

  18. skinny jeans are awesome on girls! i think they are so sexy. on guys…well there is a point where you get too skinny. you should have a lil bag around ankles, and thighs, not tight in the ass or crotch. shia and zach effron got the right idea, the dude with the stupid shoes and the guy above him got definately the wrong idea.

  19. Skinny jeans are really popular, but that doesn't make them any more flattering or attractive. It just makes girls and guys look like idiots who can't dress themselves. I wish people went back to early 90's to dress when clothes actually FLATTERED the figure and guys didn't dress like trannies with no sense of style.

  20. After years of wearing baggy, straightleg, hipster jeans – Well I think Skinny jeans are great ! Its great to have a change – I am 35 by the way so who says you have to be 18 !

  21. I suppose that's a different way to construe it. Never supposed I would hear you say this, however, after all your other posts about iPhones! :P

  22. The worst thing about all this skinny jean madness is the fact im not a little trendy kid i'm a 28 year old man and I can't find a normal pair of jeans. I have muscular thighs and big feet so I can't even get these things on. Not only that it's the fact that my balls are gasping for air. A girl told me one time that it was a scary though to think if her boyfriend could fit all that stuff going on down there in this pair a jeans that i'm sure not even a 12 year old kid could get into. Even if he did he wouldn't want to wear it.

  23. Skinny jeans are the ugliest thing to crawl out of the 80's closet. It can't wait for them to go away, they are unflattering and make your tighs look huge and your ankles look like toothpicks.
    Terrible,
    just terrible.

    And guys I don't care what you say, you look gay when you wear skinny jeans. Not cool, not scene, just gay.

    • I agree. I just found this thread bc i was looking for anti-skinny jean propaganda to repeat. it stated above, it says "skinny jeans expose all those areas normally hidden by regular jeans"…..isnt that a good thing>? lol

    • Woooooo… first thing even if a guy is gay, bisexual or straight that it’s gonna change who you are. There are gay people that fight for cause in skinny jeans while slobering idiots watch football in loose pants thinking they are men because they fight “illegal aliens”. I’m bisexual and I’m sure I’d prefer an intelligent man than an intolerant girl that’s just angry because she doesn’t get attention because skinny jeans are fucking hot on a girl that does something other than sit on her ass whining about people that do things that aren’t even relevant to her.

  24. I’ve taken skinny jeans for granted, now that I can’t wear them for a while. I got caught stealing candy from some random Grocery store in VA, and yeah one of my punishments was no skinny jeans.(haha) Just ridiculous!

  25. dude i luv skinny jeans i luv how they look, it has better style and i wanna be able 2 show my sneakers from top 2 bottom… i usually just pull them down alittle cus it feels better.

  26. I feel as though I can’t go back to another fit of pants, to me, I feel that I look like a slob. The pants feel too baggy to wear… i love skinny jeans

  27. skinny jeans were ugly last time they were "cool" (back in the late 80's – early 90's), and theyre ugly this time around too. 90% of the people that wear skinny jeans dont have the body for them, so they end up with the muffin top flowing over the waistband and a flat looking ass. the jeans make your feet look massive, and unless you have thighs of steel, skinny jeans make them look like 2 corndogs trying to rub on each other. i cant wait for this trend, and all the other fugly 80's stuff) to go back in the closets… or the landfills.

  28. Those arguing against skinny jeans on guys usually use emotive irrational language and insult those who choose to wear them, or who admire them on guys with good bodies. The worst is all the homophobia it brings out. People should go wear whatever they want, and leave others to wear what they want.

  29. I absolutely love skinny jeans (I'm a girl) I have been wearing them for more than two years now. I feel as though I can't go back to another fit of pants, to me, I feel that I look like a slob. The pants feel too baggy to wear.

    I think that skinny jeans are OK on guys. Some boys shouldn't wear them because it only makes them look scrawny and childish. Some guys wear them too tight, it's just really unattractive then. I think straight leg jeans look great on guys.

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